


The Couple and the Commodore

by kayliemalinza



Category: Coupling (UK), Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Crossover, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-11
Updated: 2007-02-11
Packaged: 2017-10-27 08:26:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/293733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayliemalinza/pseuds/kayliemalinza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for lostwiginity's prompt, <em>Stephen saying to Susan "there's a guy from the Navy standing in front of the door looking like me!"</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	The Couple and the Commodore

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lostwiginity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostwiginity/gifts).



"Um... Susan? Can you come into the foyer, please?"

Steve's voice was cracking, so Susan figured it was important enough to stop washing the dishes.

"What is it, Steve?" she asked, wiping her hands on a towel as she walked to the front door. "I was right in the middle of—Oh, _Steve_!" They hadn't talked about role-playing, but apparently Steve had decided to take matters into his own hands. For once, Susan didn't mind. The historical Naval uniform looked _yummy_ on him. "I can't believe you did this!" cried Susan, flinging her arms around him. "It's so sexy!"

Steve stiffened and tried to push her away. "Miss, this behaviour is quite inappropriate. Please stop at once."

"Ooh, playing hard to get, are we?" crooned Susan. She could get into this, really. Steve's voice sounded so proper and stern. She fiddled with his buttons.

"Er, _Susan_!" Wait, Steve's voice was cracking again. And it was coming from _behind_ her.

Susan screamed and jumped back. "Who are you!" she yelled, grabbing the flower vase from the sideboard and waving it at the uniformed stranger. Steve—the _real_ Steve, frumpy clothes and all—helpfully backed her up.

"I am Commodore James Norrington," said the stranger, now Norrington.

"Oh _really_ ," said Steve. Susan elbowed him.

"What are you doing in our flat?" she asked, keeping her attack-vase at the ready.

Norrington looked a bit discomfited. "Apparently there's been a grave mistake of sorts. I am in pursuit of a most vile and dissolute pirate named Jack Sparrow."

"He probably looks like Jeff," Steve muttered.

Norrington cut his glance to Steve, then evidently decided he was irrelevant. "The pursuit led me here, and I now understand why. Jack Sparrow obviously meant to confound me in hopes of swaying me from my duty. It shall not work."

"You're barking mad," said Susan.

"Madam, that is entirely possible," said Norrington. "Do accept my profuse apologies for having invaded your home in such an abrupt and intolerable manner." He took his hat from his head and bowed.

Susan giggled. "I forgive you," she said.

" _Forgive_ him?" said Steve. "You _forgive_ —oof." He rubbed his belly and gave Susan a hurt look.

"If you'll pardon me, I must continue my search," said Norrington, and let himself out.

"Ta!" called Susan, waving cheerily as she shut the door behind him. She whirled on Steve. "Why didn't you try harder to protect me?"

"He threatened me with a sword!" yelled Steve. "It was very long and pointy!"

Susan glared at him. "Then you should've been worried that he would hurt _me_!"

Steve shrugged. "I figured his innate sense of chivalry would keep him from hurting a woman."

"How do you know he had an innate sense of chivalry?" Susan pointed out, her eyes bulging icily at Steve.

Steve shuffled back a bit. "Well, it sort of comes with the uniform, doesn't it?" he asked.

"Any nutter can put on a uniform!" yelled Susan. "What if he'd wanted to kidnap me or molest me?"

"You wouldn't have put up much of a fight, would you?" muttered Steve.

Susan stared at him. "Excuse me?"

"You wanted to kiss him!" Steve pointed out.

"I didn't!"

"You flung your arms around him and fiddled his buttons!" said Steve. He pointed at her accusingly. "That is an obvious precursor to kissing!"

"I thought he was you!"

Steve pulled a face of disgust. "Susan, he was wearing a _costume_."

"And you can't put on a costume?" asked Susan, crossing her arms.

"Why would I do a thing like that? That's absurd!"

"I thought you wanted to role play or something," said Susan. She smiled. "I thought it was sweet."

"I—a strange man breaks into our flat and you think it's _sweet_?"

"I thought it was you!" answered Susan, looking a little uncomfortable.

Steve shook his head. "I am shocked and offended that you can't tell me apart from a complete stranger," he said darkly. "That doesn't bode well for the future of our relationship."

Susan arched an eyebrow. " _That_ doesn't bode well?" she asked. "I could tell you quite a number of _other_ things that—"

"You never told me you wanted to role play!" said Steve.

Susan shrugged. "I had never considered it."

Steve peered at her. "And you... and you're considering it now?"

"...well now that I've seen the real thing I don't think you could really measure up," Susan said airily.

"Oh _really_ ," said Steve.

Susan looked dreamy. "He was so stern and commanding."

" _I_ can be stern and demanding!" said Steve earnestly. "I can say, 'Susan, swab the deck. With your tongue.'"

Susan gave him a Look.

Steve shrank. "...or I can... not... say that."

"I think you should finish washing the dishes," said Susan.

"Ok," said Steve, and retreated to the kitchen.


End file.
